Letter to myself... Welcome Back
I forgot how much I loved this....... Writing.
Not writing because I have something to promote, not because I need content...
Not because apparently we all need to feed an algorithm every five minutes before it decides we no longer exist.
I mean ACTUALLY writing...
Sitting down with my thoughts, letting them run around for a bit and turning the chaos in my head into words that make sense. (Well I hope its making sense to you)
Blogging used to be my therapy before I realised that’s what it was.
I would write when I was confused, when hurt, happy... every emotion
I wrote through everything.
And somewhere along the way, life started feeling a little more… normal(ish)
Whatever normal actually means.
And I just stopped smh.
Which..... looking back, was probably one of the worst things I could have done.
I was my most happiest even when sad, when writing.
I turned so much of my frustration, lessons and moments of happiness into the BEST diary entries I cant wait to read in 20+yrs time.
Apart of me felt like I didn't need to write anymore... I wasn't travelling as much, relationships got more intense and I just froze and felt my words held no meaning.
I thought I didn’t need it anymore.
Life got busy, I became busy..... There were multiple business ventures, motherhood, responsibilities, ideas, grief, friendships, people, plans, travelling, healing, overthinking, trying not to overthink, and then overthinking the fact that I was overthinking.
(That was a mouthful I know... you was meant to feel chocked up... Thats how I felt inna real life) lol
And with all that going on.... my words got quieter.
Not because I had nothing to say.
God knows I always have something to say.
But..... because I stopped giving myself the space to say it...
Coming back to blogging has reminded me of something I didn’t even realise I had lost.
Peace!!
There is something about sitting with yourself long enough to actually hear what you’re thinking.
Not what everybody else thinks.... Just,
You.
And lately, writing has been giving me that again.
I feel lighter, happier... More like myself and thats why I started a new insta Dec 2025 whilst travelling.
I started writing quotes again and felt like the old me, in my new era of greatness and I love that for me and the people who get to be in my aura.
Sometimes I will finish writing something and just sit there thinking...
Ohhh. So THAT’S what I was feeling.
Because apparently my brain likes to give me the information in instalments smh
Writing connects the dots for me.
It turns feelings I can’t explain into sentences I can finally understand.
And maybe that’s why coming back to this feels so special...
Because I’m not writing from the same place I used to.
I’m not the same woman... I'm better
Thank God.
I’ve lived (very well)
I’ve loved people.
I’ve lost people.
I’ve outgrown people and things I thought I'd never overcome.
I’ve probably given far too much of myself to people who didn’t know what to do with it.
(Do you know how annoying this is....I KNOW i'm not the only one) lol
I’ve had moments where I’ve felt completely sure of myself and moments where I’ve thought, Aliyana… what exactly are we doing?
I’ve rebuilt myself
Changed my mind (Changed it again, instantly)
Started over.
Protected my peace.
Forced myself to started over
Lost my peace. (Found it again, very quickly)
And vowed to never repeat the same cycle lol
Through all of it, I’ve become softer in some ways and much firmer in others.
That part, I love... BOUNDARIES BE REAL STRICT
FYI.... I've always had firm boundaries but this video explains my past issues
As much as its funny now, it was teeeeeww much!!
And now I get to write from here.
From this version of me.
The woman who understands herself a little bit more and always learning to be better for myself and others around me.
Who knows that healing isn’t this cute little pink road where one day you wake up, drink some herbal tea, (which I do daily lol) journal for ten minutes and suddenly nobody can ever trigger you again.
Absolutely not.... lol
Some days you are evolved.
Other days you are one minor inconvenience away from needing to sit in silence.
Both can be true at the same time.
What I love most about writing again... is knowing that somewhere, somehow, my words might find the person who needs them.
Maybe you’re reading something I wrote at 11pm whilst sitting on your sofa, or bed.... or even your car or someone else's (wink) with a million thoughts in your head... and somehow it explains exactly what you’ve been struggling to put into words.
Maybe it makes you feel understood, it helps you leave something behind.
Maybe it reminds you to choose yourself.
Maybe you just read it and think, Yep. Same ish!!
That alone is enough for me.
I don’t need my words to reach everybody.
I just want them to reach who they’re meant to reach.
And if that person is you, I’m proud of you.
I don’t even know you... or maybe I do...
I'm proud of you for still trying, changing, admitting when something isn’t working anymore.
Proud of you for becoming somebody you haven’t completely met yet.
Because..... I think that’s what life has been teaching me lately.
We are always becoming.
There isn’t this magical point where everything is finished and suddenly you know exactly who you are forever.... At least I hope bloody not, how boring would that be.
I want to keep discovering new parts of myself, I want to keep changing and learning
I want to keep having those random moments where I realise
Oh wow… I don’t react to that anymore.
That’s growth...
The kind nobody claps for because half the time nobody even knows it happened...
But you know.
And that matters.
Sooooo.... I suppose this is a letter to myself, really.
A little reminder to never stop writing again...
Write when you’re happy.
Write when you’re confused.
Write when you’ve had a random thought in M&S or on the phone to a friend
(This happens daily)
Write when something makes you laugh, when you feel grateful.
Write when you’re becoming someone new.
Write because it brings you home to yourself.
And if somebody else finds a little bit of home in your words, consider yourself a lil guru lol
So, hello..... is it me you're lookinggggg forrrrr...
I’m back... lol
Probably with too many thoughts, one hundred and one unfinished note drafts and something to say about absolutely everything.
Exactly how it should be.
Aliyana x
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